Feelings.

<--- Yngve.
I am not good at talking about my feelings, and if i´m in pain of some sort i just don´t talk about it. Instead i sing about my emotions, of course i make sure that no one is close enough to hear me but it works. And if i´m on the bus or something i listens to music that sings about my feelings. You could say that i live for music.
Or rather, I couldn´t live without music. Right now i´m listening to "Listen" by Beyoncé in Dreamgirls. I´ve told my dad about how i felt about "them" once, and dad talked to Jenny and she walked in and started to cry. I was way to nice because i went into their room and said : " I only wanted you to be nicer". That was the biggest mistake of my life, besides asking her the first time. I have a necklace that says Forever with a heart. I´m not sure what it stands for, but for me it stands for all my losts. That i will never forget Yngve- a dog that died last summer, Tarzan- My cat that disappeared, Ruby- my other cat that ate ratpoison and died and all of the others, both animals and humans.

Valentines.

This was the worst valentinesday ever! I spent the day with my dad and "them". Dad was drinking wine, at first it was all ok but then it got to much. He and Amalia had fun and then something happened, he had drank too much and started to hit Jenny, She pushed him and he almost fell down the stairs. He said she tryed to kill him and they started to scream to eachother. Then he threw a wine bottle at her, a lamp in the floor and another bottle of wine at her. Amalia and me had to sit there in a corner and watch. Amalia, that stupid cow, was going to them to "help her mom" and i told her to stay but she didn´t listen and i was so furious! she is so stupid! anyway, there was wine and glass all over the livingroom floor. When they´d calmed down they started to clean up all the wine and dad said he was sorry to me and Amalia, wich btw didn´t even realize what happened. When dad threw the wine she sat in the sofa and laughed! And Jenny didn´t leave! She should´ve gone home as fast as she could, right!? I would never put my children in that position!

Broke my heart.

This blog is about me, my life and my broken heart. It´s not about some guy that broke up or something, it´s about my father and how he breaks my heart over and over again. He is an alcoholic. He says he isn´t but about 6 years ago when i was 7-8 i could hear right away when he was drunk, my mom and him had moved apart and i was ok with that. He always invited this girl, Jenny, and friends. One day when it was only us three and one other person at home dad asked me; " do you want to ask her to move in with us?". And i was the happiest, i didn´t remember that she had too kids, Amalia( 4 years old at that point) and Casper (6 years old at that point). When they´d moved in noone got along, Amalia was in my room all the time and she even took a pencil and painted on the wall in there! As i got furious Jenny was angry at me, if you ask me Jenny is a psyko who didn´t realize that her child had some sort of problem. So Amalia continued as she was even though my dad tried to teach her what was right and what was wrong. She even stoled from stores and shops. My dad was drinking before that but not as much. Now, like today, he is really drunk and i´m with my mum, they live neighbors, and Jenny and her kids have moved into our house( we even had to buy a new house and move so we didn´t have to share rooms) 6 times and right now they don´t live with us, they´re only here at weekends. I am so tired of seeing my dad like this and when he´s drunk he says all kinds of mean stuff. He´ve never hit me but he have "attacked" both of Jennys children and still she doesn´t realise she should leave him alone! Her son Casper is scared and almost never comes here, Amalia is still the way she´ve always been even though she is almost 10 years old! Jenny is nothing but a selfish egoistic mean witch! every time my dad drinks he breakes my heart.